Being a Father - Between Challenge and Fulfillment
Thoughts from a Father

Fatherhood

Work-Life-Balance

Partnership

Coaching

September 26, 2025

Whether you’ve just become a father, have been in this role for a while, or are preparing for fatherhood – you probably know these thoughts: How do I balance career and family? Am I a good father? How do I handle the pressure? What if everything changes in our partnership?

As a father of two adult sons and a little daughter, and as a coach for fathers and expectant fathers, I want to share something with you today that I’ve learned from my experience. These thoughts and challenges I’ve had too, and they are completely normal and justified.

My biggest challenges as a father

Work-Life-Balance - My eternal balancing act

I had to learn that I couldn’t do everything perfectly at the same time. And that’s okay. The key lies in making conscious decisions. When I managed to be present where I was at the moment, it did me good: at work or with my family. I needed time to find this balance.

My uncertainty in the father role

I asked myself daily: “Am I doing this right?” Today I know: there’s no “perfect” way to be a father. Every child is different, every family is unique. I had to find my own way. I learned to trust my instincts.

The financial pressure I experienced

I know the sleepless nights about finances well. The thoughts: “How am I supposed to pay for all this?” I had those too. I had to learn that children don’t need the most expensive things, they need me as a person. Time is more valuable than money – even if that’s hard to believe when the bills come in.

My partnership changed

This was perhaps the biggest challenge that isn’t talked about enough. After birth, almost everything changed for us:

We were tired: Really tired. And when you're tired, you get irritated faster. We had to learn to be patient with each other.
Our roles shifted: My partner had changed - she was now a mother. I changed too. We talked about what we needed from each other.
Time for each other became rare: We consciously planned time just for the two of us. Even if it was only ten minutes in the evening.
Communication was everything: When she told me how exhausting the day was, I learned that she didn't want me to fix it. She wanted me to listen and understand her.

A story from my practice

I’ll call the father David here. He sat on my coaching couch and said: “I’m very happy that I’m a father. It’s wonderful to see my little son. On the other hand, I also feel very uncomfortable. At work I think about the baby and wonder if I should be more supportive, at home I think about work and feel like I’m not doing enough anymore. Sometimes my wife is even annoyed with me. This sometimes really pushes me to my limits.”

We talked about how being a father is a constant learning process. It never stops and is new again in every phase of life. Step by step, David adjusted his expectations to the situation. He began to set new priorities and above all: He allowed himself to accept when something wasn’t perfect. Sometimes he could even laugh about it. Today he’s a more relaxed father and the family feels more comfortable with that too.

What I really needed

After all these years I finally understood what really mattered:

Realistic expectations: I had to learn that I wouldn’t be able to do everything right away. Nobody can.

Other fathers to talk to: I found other dads. We talked about our experiences. I realized that everyone had similar challenges.

Time for myself: I wasn’t just a father and partner. I was also me. I couldn’t forget that.

Accept support: When someone asked “Can I help?”, I learned to say yes. Pride didn’t help anyone.

Patience with myself: I was learning the most important job of my life. I had to be gentle with myself.

My first steps

Today, after these years, I know: I was not alone with these thoughts. What I perceived as my personal weaknesses were normal fatherhood experiences.

Being a father was indeed not a sprint for me, but a marathon. I had highs and lows. I made mistakes – many of them. But I learned that in the end, the love I gave mattered.

I became a father – not perfect, but with lots of love. And when other fathers want to talk to me or need support, I’m there. That’s how we fathers support each other.